All my life I’ve heard stories about Jesus- the healer, the miracle maker. I’ve believed in the stories, the man and the crazy impossible things he did.
I’ve heard he’s still alive today- his spirit & his power, alive in the hearts & hands of those who follow him.
A couple of weeks ago I heard & saw some pretty amazing (impossible) things, said & done in his name…a man with a tumour, about to go into surgery, only to be told at the last minute his tumour had disappeared! All that remained was the tattoo the surgeons had made, to mark where the tumour was. He said somebody prayed for him, asked Jesus to take his cancer. It seems that Jesus did.
Another man, blind when he walked in, led by the hand of his wife…someone prayed for him, asked Jesus to give him back his sight. I saw with my own eyes this man, blind just moments before, now running around the room, laughing like a giddy kid because he could see for the first time in years!
I’ve been contemplating these things as I’ve waited to hear my final test results and hear the doctors’ plans for my treatment.
In recent months I’d all but abandoned my faith. It wasn’t a conscious decision- more of a gradual slide. I just wasn’t seeing in all the brokenness around me, where this Jesus was making any difference.
But when I saw those men and heard their stories, the genuine humility with which they thanked Jesus for their healing, it moved me some place deep.
I haven’t been living in any way a life deserving of Gods favour, and yet as I look back through the tapestry of my life, I see his grace and mercy everywhere. Even recently. Even at my worst.
Today’s results were less than ideal. I found out the cancer, first thought to be only in my breast, then also in my spine, is now also in my liver.
As I sat in the doctors’ office at the hospital, I sensed a now familiar familiar peace settle over me. It’s so real, it’s almost palpable. I’ve noticed it with me more heavily since those healing meetings where I saw those two men. I now recognise that it’s the presence of God- the Spirit that Jesus promised to send to be our comforter & strength. I’ve never felt it like this before, but it’s so sweet.
The nurse who was also in the room, who I’ve now seen twice, was shaking her head and smiling in wonder at my response to the news. She said, “You just take everything in your stride, don’t your?” I just shrugged and said I didn’t know how else to be! This peace just takes a hold of me, and holds me still in the midst of turmoil. That’s the only way I can describe it.
A friend sent me a text a little while later, asking how today went. I just said, “It’s gonna be alright, man- this is the glory Jesus show and he’s about to win hearts and minds through my story.”
I used to think I was sorta special because I did my best to live a righteous life; and yet it’s only when I let go of all that and dropped all the pretence, that I began to really experience Gods grace in my life, to know that I really am special- not because of anything I do, but because of his amazing love for me.
If I die because of this cancer, my story will remain the same- God is good. Sometimes we see his glory in amazing ways, like a blind man getting back his sight through prayer. And sometimes, his glory shines through the smiley face of a punk-haired, 41 year old cancer patient who just keeps smiling through the storm because she is resting in the peace of Gods presence.